mood : all f'ed up.
im not suppose to be all emotional today but i cant help it. today marks a week of no contact with boyfriend at all. im messed up right now. just the thought of him makes me cry. i really dont know what's going on between us. really. i never thought i would see the day we grew apart and now, here i am in this shitty situation. i've yet to talk to him at all because i just want a little space for myself to render my thoughts. a week is equivalent to 7 days which means 7 days of not knowing what in the world he's doing. why must i always be the "man" of this relationship? "man" as in always giving-in to him. to add on to that, im always the one who is all worked up to know about his well being whereas he has the time of his life not even realising that i existed.so love, what am i here for? you just labelling me as your girlfriend? doesnt that defeat the purpose of being in a relationship? in a relationship, you need to parties to be involve and working together as one. i just dont understand why you change so drastically boy.
i dont know what is most important to him right now. i just dont know. thinking about this pathetic situation makes me feel like i'm being used. where is he when i needed him the most? i thought i meant the whole world to him. then why am i in this sitution? if i meant the whole world to him, why doesnt he even care for me? so again, what am i here for love? i dont know if this relationship could work out but i really dont want to be pessimistic.
im sorry all, for being such an emotional whore today. i just have to let this heavy burden off my pathetic solemn soul. i just had these train of thoughts when i flipped through my old foolscap paper boyfriend and i used to scribble days before our 3rd month-sary. baby, i miss you.
ps:thank you dear twin sister for being there for me earlier on. if it wasnt because of you, i would have carried on crying overnight (:
take care loves (:
