i've got my veins all tangled up.

Monday, September 29, 20083:54 PM

mood: disturbed

hello all.
i woke up to the bane of my misery and a rude awakening.
i received a text from mysexylove, aidil.
ironic.why misery?
because the content of the text hit me. hard.
so hard that i filled myself with never ending ambiguous questions.
am i too naive or guys are just, well, guys?
are people just blinded by intimacy that they forget everything in the world and losing themselves?
that small little text set me thinking.
i never thought that text would ever come from him. really.
it's just too unexpected you see.
my feelings were scarred so deep inside me whenever i thought of him.
i was swarming with anger instead of elations.
i was rather confused when im suppose to be all cleared up in the mind.
i was pretty much like a rojak because my feelings were all mixed up.
ambiguousity and dejections just form a huge question mark in me.
left unanswered.
maybe it just came to a great shock for me.
because i've always thought that i knew him inside out.
his life, past, character-pretty much everything.
but in this world, nothing seem to be what you expext it to be like.
seriously, i had one of the worst mornings of my life today.
i wanted to breakdown but i had to stay strong.
im fasting.
but im upset with myself.i feel useless as a friend.
i was suppose to tell him the truth and tell him whatever i think honestly.
yet, i was too damn frighten to even correct him.why? because he was my ex crush.
it's hard.seriously, i dont want any mishap to happen to him.
i hate that whore. demanding little slut.
i wished he didnt met her. but again, what am i here to stop him.
im just his best friend. or rather.
it's really hard for me to digest all this event happening to me today.
311008.please, dont let me imagine things i dont even want at the first place.
i cant help.
help me.

anyway, despite my rather emotional morning, i happen to bump upon myhotadviser.
ahh his smile.i miss him alot. i manage to smile at him.
anyway, baby is sitting for his n level papers today.
do your best babe!I LOVE YOU!
salihin, my ex was rather irritating today.hawhaw.
especially during dnt class. i dont wish to elaborate further.phaa~

look at the damage you left.
you know sometimes you dont see what you've done.
but look.

phaa~ what a day.

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Friday, September 26, 20088:43 PM

mood: super porky. :D

oh hello all.
what a day. i had my mood swung up so high that i almost lose myself. yes, i was rather pissed with the whole hooha! in the morning. firstly, an undescribable heavy downpour in the morning had me all drenched although i had my umbrella with me. furthermore, water made my hair even more messy and i look super suckish to school. next, i had to be barefooted because why? yes, my shoe was like a flash flood basin.phaa~ literally. i had to dry my socks under my table secretly, though it seems obvious enough for people to see. thirdly, mrs khiu was all so hooha! about my hairstyle, eyeliner yadayadayada. i dont give a fcux. really. i dont seem to understand why she picks on me all the bloody time.lastly, i to go to PRCS for some serving shiittzaaayys.no manpower=im in.pork.

so much for the downside of today, it went rather smooth sailing-ly.hawhaw. i had to serve the VVIPs AND VIPs. slouching was all i could do to relief my back strain phaa~. mr ng actually ate and darnk alot. about 3 plates of food and 2 cups of coffee and another cups of fruit punch. good for you mate.yadayada, went home with 4 boxes of leftover food for break fast woohoo! LALA.

5 credits? i suck.

hey love, here i am.

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Monday, September 22, 200812:39 PM

mood: dorkehh. hah.

hello all :)
monday and im at home. well i am suppose to be at home because i dont need to attend school; im not sitting for malay paper. so life is as per normal for me. nothing much. is just that i miss boyfriend evenmore.phaa~ i hope after hari raya i will be able to meet him.if i wont be able to attend his chalet then i would have atleast met him earlier.i read my past entries in my written diary and it's been 6 months and 2 weeks i guess. i know you people might be thinking that im just another saw loser who is like obsessed and desperate about her boyfriend. but hey, it's not wrong to miss your boyfriend whom you've last saw him months ago. pretty much sucks huh?

moving on, someone texted me yesterday.haha.it was kinda surprising because i thought he totally forgot about me.well, actually i forgot about him.anyway, it's rizal my hot adviser.haha. it's been like donkey years since i've heard from him. it's nice to kow that he remembered me.woah.other than that, yesterday was a super drag. stayed the whole day at home watching tv and listening to jodie whining that she's hungry.phaa~

lala,self-obession?i dont know why some people suffer from this unsightly disease. i hate to say this but my friends do suffer from this disease.well, some of them. it's like potraying themselves that the whole universe revolves around them. then comes the never ending brags, gossips and vanity. they dont realise themselves and i find it rather disturbing. well, you people be the judge.

my obsession wont let me leave

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Tuesday, September 16, 20085:38 PM

mood: rather "depressed"

hello all (:
i didnt get to update yesterday because i was muggin for my maths paper 2 today.phaa~ and yes, yesterday was a special day, it's MY 2ND MONTH-SARY WITH MY BABY, HUD HARIZ WONG YUN FENG.just a little note to him: babe, i love you no matter what. you're everything to me. i miss you siaaaaaaaa.

so baby is going to hold his birthday and our 3rd month-sary party at downtown east chalet. exciting huh? yes i wanna go!i wanna go! but the probability of going is 1:2, because my science o level practical is the day after.DANG!.i hope hope hope that i can actually go there fo just a few hours. thats all i need.

maths paper 2 today was pretty difficult. i manage to complete 3/4 of the paper though.hawhaw. i'll lose 14 marks for sure, guranteed. whatever. maths is done. poa tomorrow.gaaaaaaaah.kay that's all i have in mind right now.

i want you, EXCLUSIVE

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Friday, September 12, 20082:56 PM

mood: disturb

aidil, my then sexylove just texted me. i got a rather rude awakening when he said he wants help from me. from there on, i know there must be a huge problem because no small matter would he turn to me. so it's about his crush and her rather disturbing past. i'll just put it that way. i know he was undeniably hurt and extremely upset. i could just feel those negative energy being transferred into me. he even injured himself. seriously, i hateseeing him this way. i know aidil as an outgoing, hilarious, butt-kicking and lovable guy. you know what hurts evenmore? him actually crying. i cant believe a guy such as aidil would actually tear down. he must have love that girl alot. aidil listen, you have to accept for who she already is. put the past behind. give her your fullest support because im sure she needs it alot from you and i know you would have no problems doing so.dont discriminate her.she had the the courage to tell you and im sure she would have the hardest time in the world doing so. i've known you enough. your inner and outer qualities. if you really do love her than do whatever i spurt out earlier. please, i dont want to see you this way.i just hope that everything would work out well for you.

people, human beings like you and i are gifted. the most precious and significant gift that no other living things have. feelings, emotion and the ability to think.we are given these to go through life in many different ways. it's the matter of how your life leads. we are all not perfect i agree with that. we go through feelings and emotion to make us understand our surrounding; especially the people all around you. imagine a world without emotions and feelings? our whole life would be so solemn. thus the abilty to think makes us evenmore unique.we do things with our mind constantly telling us what to do.but it's the matter whether you want to follow or repel. these gifts made specially for you are gifts that you should treasure a lifetime and with every mistake you've made learn from it!

back to me,my day,my life. well, nothing much. sat for mathematics paper 1 earlier on today. i thought it would be somehow like mid-year, but no, it's evenmore demoralizing. as soon as i flipped the pages i saw sets and diagrams, probablities and constructing triangles. i was in deepshit. i've made a profusely dumb mistake of not revising those topics the day before. whatever. now that it is over, i can only pray for the best. i have faith. relying o my paper 2 would help me pass if only i put in so much more effort than today. yes. i am being pretty optimistic.

anyway, im having night self study later so im going to breakfast outside. countdown to 2nd month-sary: 3 DAYS BABY!

thank you for being such a friend to me,
oh i pray a friend for life.

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Thursday, September 11, 20082:13 PM

mood: famish

i had my geography paper today. well, i did fairly well. perhaps it was rather straight forward. i dont know, but im pretty sure everybody was a little enlighten. so anyway, heard that mum's coming back to singapore either by the end of this month or the first week the following month. i hope she can be back by this month so that i dont feel out of place during hari raya. god, i miss her alot. i wish she's her now.

wan texted me recently. it's good to know that he's still there for me eventhough i've hurt his feelings before. i kinda miss him. well somehow. i know we're just friends but somehow he means alot to me. i really feel bad if i forgot to reply him because i dont want him to feel neglected and hurt again. anyway, it's just good to hear from him :)

i miss my boyfriend alot. we rarely meet now. the last time we met was at geylang's bazaar. we didnt really meet but we stumble upon each other. it was kinda funny recalling it though. okay really i miss him alot. sometimes, i wish he was right here beside me. his presence. nonetheless, whats the handphone invented fo right? he will never fail to ask about me and all. i feel a little secure then. whatever it is i love him more than anyhing in this world and he mean the whole world to me (:

tomorrow is mathematic paper 1. i need to go brush up on those numericals and formulas.

all your twisted thought freeflow

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Thursday, September 4, 20081:18 PM

mood: sloppy;rather famished

i've been fasting for three days now.i find it pretty fast.i just have the urge to open the refrigerator and grab some bite but no, im strong.fasting month is the holiest month and i must act upon it as a muslim.i know i may not be strong in my religion but islam is in me.i know god is there watching over me.giving me all the strength to carry on with all the intimacy through this pure month. im blessed. blessed that i get to to have what i want and what i need.i have faith in Him.to all muslims reading this selamat menjalani ibadah puasa :)

i get rather mundane and restless lately.preliminary exams is like when? next week and i've yet to cover all my weak subjects. i dont know.i need to start revising. seriously, i dont want anymore red marks splatter across my results slip again.it's depressing.there's something in me, who really wants to let loose and not bother about studies.pretty much suck i guess.no. i wont let my sub-concious mind take over me.i wont.

yesterday was awesome. i went out to actually study with jodie and ais. well babes, you made my day. thanks alot for all those never ending concern about me and those littlest jokes that just cracks me up.going out with you guys are the best!really:) i manage to do a little shopping after 4 hours of intense studying in the ever quiet walls of the library.my braces on the other hand is still hanging in place;on my teeth.i really had high hopes that it would be taken off but i was turn down.utterly disappointing.so next appoinmet to the dentist is 14 november which is like 3 days after my sweet sixteen.i'll be removing my shiny braces and replacing it with a rather hopeless retainers.

i miss my boyfriend badly.it's been like when? 3 weeks i guess since we last met.sucks big time.i dont know until when will i manage to meet him again.because why? his n levels has started this week followed by my prelims plus fasting then follow up closely by my o levels! nonetheless, he's the sweetest little sweetheart ever:) he send me this text:
"baby,we'll probably not meet for a very long time with fasting, hari raya, my n's and your o's.but i wanna let you know that i'll always love you okay?"
it's rather pleasing to know that he do love and care about me.and yes i feel same way too.i believe that love lies in its power to unite individuals.each one of us do have a partner in life.appreciate what you have for now.

darling, i miss you so badly

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